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you have climbed an uphill road… When Love Ends..Apathy Begins.. I’ve been very pissimist before but i thank God for the change, Changes has so many ways the most important is the inward w/c some people couldn’t understand let’s have an insight of this. We tend to view life horizontally rather than vertically. We tend to be resistant rather than open to that which is new and unexpected. We need some course-correction techniques to break those habits! We can think of at least three that might work for us: Recognize and admit our negative mentality. So much of the cure is in the confession. Immediate correction begins with honest admission. Force a vertical focus until it begins to flow freely.We have never seen a habit just lie down, surrender, and die; we have to make a conscious effort if we hope to break longstanding habits. If we are negative today, chances are very good that when we wake up tomorrow morning we’re still going to be negative. Force a vertical focus. Stay open to a new idea for at least five minutes. Don’t try it for an entire day; we might panic. Just take on our day five minutes at a time. When something new, something unexpected, confronts us, don’t respond with an immediate “Nope! Never!” Wait five minutes. Hold off. Tolerate the possibility for five minutes. We will be surprised at the benefit of remaining open. “What’s the world’s greatest lie?” the boy asked, completely surprised. “It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.” - Paolo Coelho, The Alchemist
I’ve been holding myself lately from bursting all the emotions inside me, ever since Tiny left us to a better world, I’ve been on a roller coatster to everyone around me specially you..God Bless you and my family, for you will always be there for me patiently, but it all accomulated to yesterday’s..true as you said, I’m such a fragile cry baby. The past couple weeks were long and tough. it was exhausting..both mind and body. I consumed my days smiling and working, after the series of sickleaves I got from my boss who decided I’m in no condition to work, I decided I will heal myself on my own. I’ll be back on my feet again, and I will get back my voice sooner rather than later. However, my nights were consumed crying. My body was frail, I even experienced this so-called ‘temporary insanity’ when I imagine that I heard my Tiny late at night playing on her wheel..Although you didn’t allow me to keep any of her things with me in my room cuz I burst into tears every time I see it, but there are nights were I can feel her with me, playing or eating..I’m still dreaming of her constantly, some dreams when she was sick and depressed others when she was healthy and happy which I always prefer to remember her with that. yes I’m blessed cause I see her in my dreams more often than you do. Yesterday was a very important day, as my first inaanak was baptize, it was Tiny’s first month..between the 2 contrary occasions..I choose life and hope over death and despair. I tried my best to wear the smile that you gave me on our sad days, I was there for my friend on her son’s very important day in his life, I tried to block all sad thoughts from streaming in my consciousness, and I succeed for a while…or thought I did! I believe that genetics is not the only valid excuse for a child’s misbehaviour, I believe that a child become who he is on what his parents raised him to be, so was it a coincidence when a 6-year-old kid make me cry that day? in public. It is the most embarrassing thing that could happen to anyone, but how did a 6-year-old boy that I barely see/talk to or his parents knew about Tiny’s death? You and those who “witnessed” what happened and were not walking in my “boots”, felt I shouldn’t take a tactless kid’s words seriously, and I don’t now..but at that time, the harsh insensitivity of the words strike me hard…I said to myself: so ironic, why on that day and with that kid in particular? To be honest with myself and you, before that incidence..I was witnessing few things that I was not “comfy” with, but tried my best to deviate it from my mind and I managed to survive the whole occasion which was a great time…..if you’ll omit the distraction. That’s why I decided before that day ends..to let it all out of my chest and spell it out, which is going to be my new self-defense mechanism from now on. Right now, I just need to get back on my feet again, knowing that my baby is always on my side and never gone. I will dream of her sweet dreams that gives me consolation. I will get back my voice again, and I will sing my favorite songs again. Soon.. I will dance on my feet again..
~**~
She nestled under her nay’s chin on her last night and that morning..we felt it was going to be the end..she must have felt it too..she just wanted to rest in peace.. I sit and watch for hours,
Gone but not forgotten..You will always be Missed..and always Loved..
Tinybear~
Read more about Tiny:http://hamsterhideout.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=37140&st=0  My Little One..My cute furry ball..Today, you were supposed to complete with us 33 weeks..
In your short life with us, 8 months, You brought joy to us and to everyone around you, you know we looked after you well. We gave you the best of all..your treats & foods, your toys, ur new wheel from nay that you didn’t have the chance to wear it & tear it just like ur old one..ur purple seesaw, that was ur favorite, ur tiny hammy house that was made only for you..
Did you know that nay was going to make a new toy for you during this break? nice and colorful big puzzle so that you can play around freely?
But you got sick and refused to eat..and we took you to the best vet in the country who did everything she can to save ur tiny life..you survived the 2 surgeries..you were a brave one..your wounds were healing perfectly..you tolerated the daily injections and checkups, but you still wont eat..ur chubby body became skinny & you didn’t have the strength to play or move around anymore..seeing you like this was breaking my heart and nay’s..you refused to eat..food was soo painful for you..living was soo painful for you..you wanted us to let you go..and that’s what we did..
One of the hardest decisions that we took in our lives..
was putting you to sleep..
One of the greatest gifts we can give you is to know when the time has come that it does not have a life that it wants to keep living. We felt ur needs somehow of our support to leave us.. and simply we were holding you and letting you know it is OK to go..I know it was enough to let you slip away feeling our love around you.
If you cannot feed urself and don’t want to move then ur body was telling u that the time has come. even if you were too young to die.. we must decide and in our heart we knew that this was the right decision..
As we took you to the vet, holding you in my hand, comfy and warm with ur little blanket. As you go when the time comes. you know we helped you have peace when you needed it most.
In my arms, and with nay close by to comfort you..We saw you resisting for life until the end..you gasped your last breath around 3pm.
We took your fragile body home with us..we cleaned you with our tears and prepared your comfy bed to rest in peace, with your favorite colors & bedding..as we kissed you goodbye, we gently put your helpless body inside your tiny house, your favorite hideout..with a note from mommy & nay..that we will see you again someday..
Next was looking for you perfect spot..
In you short life with us..we’ve always wanted to take you to the park to play with the grass..but I was so protective of you that I was afraid sun will hurt ur rainbow eyes..but now ur gone..and nothing can harm you anymore, I promise..
We choosed your eternal spot..nice and green, between two big trees, sun is up..weather is fine, birds are singing your melody..as nay was digging with her hands and soul..
I was humming ur last lullaby before you sleep..
Somewhere over the rainbow Somewhere over the rainbow Some day I’ll wish upon a star Somewhere over the rainbow Somewhere over the rainbow If happy little bluebirds fly Now my Little One, you left us to be in a better place, the Rainbow Bridge, a beautiful place for all animals who leaves our nasty world, you are safe and warm now, my baby..I know ur playing joyfully in the grass, climbing up the trees, eating your favorite food, making friends with your new playmates.. Rest in Peace, Little One… Mommy & Nay will always LOVE you.. Please pray for my baby tiny..my heart is really breaking, I never thought things will go down hill this way.. it seems serious.. I’m taking the day off tomorrow.. I dunno what are her chances.. Another year gone soon! Same with last year, my birthday is struck between two important events, my friend’s baby’s bday and xmas eve! and I will definitely be running from here to there…making sure I wont miss the occasions, and propably crying over the slightest silly reasons! hehehe.. As for my wishlist, this is actually my first! I prolly had said for 25 years that I don’t know what I want for my birthday. But this year I think I have couple of things that I really wish to get my hands on! *Drum rolls* Wishlist (I wish and I wish and I wish…) 2. 300 QR shopping voucher from cityplaza. 3. Shopping Spree. 4. New wheel for tiny. 5. Anything with a personal touch. Not all gifts can be purchased. 6. Mom’s Health in all aspect…( I PRAY HARD FOR THAT, AMEN!). 7. FUN picnic with all my friends loved ones. World PEACE. (Peace within for those unfortunate insecure souls). 8. Happiness for all mankind. (everyone deserve to be happy). 9. My 1st Inaanak to stay with us. (I’m really praying hard for that). 10. For me to learn how to forgive and forget. (to be a better person). Maybe…..
10. Flowers 11. Betty Boop Tote Bag Purse Heart Crown Jeweled.(or any Betty Boop bag will do ;)) 12. Chocolates!!! 13. (Add on for my charm!)
Dreamlist (Will anyone fulfill my dreams? *Giggles*) 2. A pair of diamond earrings.
(I have a diamond ring, this would be a perfect match!) 3. A long nice vacation. Voidlist - Things to avoid 2. 3. ===> this list is subject to editing Wahaha…. Came up to be a huge list… Ok… I’m greedy! But it’s my WISH LIST! |
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